Hey yawl, just a little update in my journey. OBVIOUSLY…I recorded this yesterday lol!! But it didn’t upload until early this morning before church. I feel….full…yet..so tired. I just woke up from a 3 hour nap post church after getting dunked lol.
Crazy, my friend Tiffany Mckissack on FB who passed away a couple months ago had “the gift” … So she would be on live doing little readings & just giving scriptures to pass by and everyone collectively interacting and just talking about life lessons, what to do, how to do things..But she said she kept hearing ” Gonna layyyy doooownnnn my burden…dooooowwwwn byyyy the riiiiivvvverrrrsiiiiide…”
BUT IRONICALLY…I always hum that song..mainly the version from ‘The Fighting Temptations’ Movie starring Beyoncè & Cuba Gooding Jr. (GREAT FAMILY MOVIE BTW…aside from distaste of her acting everyone complains about…I thought she did a good job and the movie gives so many life gems & lessons)…but other big stars as well..And the lead in the beginning of this “Negro Spiritual” was none other than The OJay’s. And aside from me liking their version of the song…It’s one of the few songs I do know and remember from Church as a kid.
Now, Tiffany wouldn’t have known I hummed this song a lot…out of no where…like an old house slave LMFAOOOOO.. But she wouldn’t have known that because 1) I don’t talk about Church songs I do know and like lol.. & 2) WE’VE NEVER MET IN PERSON …EVER! But been my friend for over 12+ years LOL!!! crazy, how the internet connect you with dope as people you’ve never met, never gona meet..like, it’s crazy.
So she def didn’t know that…and I was humming it at that time she was talking lol.

AND that’s exactly what I did today..Laid down my burdens by the riverside. Cuz, a girl is weary..and tore down…I’m tired of being the Bag Lady Erykah Badu sang about…and preached about..and we still ain’t listen LMFAOOOOO. Damn shame.
And I just came to the realization…If my way ain’t been working out for me some time now, what would hurt for me to turn to “God” and let go of trying to control every narrative in my life…I CAN’T !! and my depression, anxiety, Irritable bowel disease, Hair loss, stomach pains, doom & gloom, anxious, expressionless, nothing to say, 42 Lbs down since Thanksgiving ME proves that to be fact, Jack.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to turn into a Bible Thumper LOL!!!!!!!
But through all the stages & emotions I steady ask myself “what am I Missing Here ??!”

I scoured every scenario with a fine tooth comb & magnifying glass in mind over and over again..

Taking things apart..dissecting it, putting it back together..
And I realized, Putting God first..that’s what’s been missing in every aspect. I never put him first or Me…I neglected us both TRYING TO FULFILL MY PURPOSE..unknowingly..*yet been searching for the title this whole time*..FULFILLING my purpose to my person from my empty cup..meaning he’s not getting anything because HE is need of my overflow to bring him closer to God in his own journey….I cannot pour from an empty cup…so don’t have the mindset of giving when the cup is full…but have so much overflow, that people CATCH the overflow, in hopes to water their harvest (of the seed you (me) planted)….for them to go towards God, source WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE IN..1st.
So to conclude this entry I realized my harvest season is now, sowed my seed, watered it..now allow time & follow directions to reap the harvest.

And I pray this stage spark just ONE person during their journey in Grief.

TIL next time 🫶🏾